How to Talk About Consent with Kids
When you read this title, you may picture awkwardly sitting at the kitchen table with your child, fumbling through explaining the birds and the bees and who can touch you where. However, this doesn’t need to be the case when talking to your kids about consent. This is one of the most important concepts that a parent can teach their children about and it should be done early on.
Understanding consent is the best way to prepare your child for protecting their own boundaries, respecting others’ boundaries, and potentially prevent abuse from occurring.
Why Should I Talk to My Kids About Consent?
There are innumerable reasons for having a discussion about consent with your children, but here are some examples:
Protection: Having a conversation with your child ensures that they are less likely to fall victim to child sexual abuse or grooming. Talking with a child about consent goes hand-in-hand with teaching warning signs of an untrustworthy adult. Hopefully these conversations prevent abuse from occurring in the first place, but at the very least, talking about consent means a child is more likely to come to you and tell you if something inappropriate happens, instead of keeping it a secret for years or decades.
Respecting Boundaries: In addition to protecting your child, discussing consent also helps them recognize that others have boundaries. Teaching consent opens the mind to respecting other’s wishes, as well as learning about their own wishes.
They May Not Learn About it in School: Depending on which state you live in, your child might not learn about consent at all in school. Over recent years, many states have implemented mandatory consent education within the sexual education unit, but many are also lagging far behind. Since you may be the only source of education for your child regarding consent, it makes your discussion even more imperative.
Now that you understand the importance of having a conversation with your child about consent, what should you focus on?
What to Emphasize When Talking About Consent
How to Say No: Telling your children to “just say no” isn’t given them the full picture. Many situations create pressure to perform sexual acts or portray refusal as rude or “uncool.” These, along with many other factors, make it difficult at times to simply say the word “no.” To better prepare your child, teach them different ways to say no while under such pressures. “Can we do this instead” or “I don’t feel comfortable with that right now” is sometimes easier than outright refusal. Regardless of how your child chooses to say it, encourage them to be firm in their decision.
What is Consent: Ensure that your child understands that consent is the enthusiastic approval for romantic gestures. This can be stated in different ways, but if consent is not explicitly given, any advances must immediately stop. For more information on consent, click here.
When You Can’t Consent: An important aspect of consent is knowing when someone can’t legally consent to sexual activity, even if they technically say “yes.” It’s important to note that laws pertaining to consent vary from state.
Factors that impact a person’s ability to legally consent:
- Being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
- Being under the legal age of consent.
- Being “physically helpless”, which may mean being unconscious, someone who is paralyzed, or someone who is unable to consent due to a physical condition.
- Having a reduced capacity to understand a situation.
- Fraud or deception. Sexual assault by deception occurs when the perpetrator deceives the victim into participating in a sexual act to which they would otherwise not have consented, had they not been deceived.
Knowing these factors can protect your child and ensure that they respect other people’s rights.
Talking About Consent: Maybe Awkward, Definitely Necessary
Talking with your children about consent is instrumental in their growth as a person, fosters healthy romantic relationships, and protects them from future abuse. Although it may be uncomfortable at first, teaching kids consent is necessary for their well-being.